TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON—WHATSOEVER GOD DOETH, IT SHALL BE FOREVER—GOD SHALL JUDGE THE RIGHTEOUS AND THE WICKED.
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
ECCLESIASTES 3: 1-8
I find my self in quiet reflection as I try to work through a difficult decision…..and wonder why must every thing be so complicated with me and those that I am related to by blood….sounds cold but not really. I love my relatives……I just don’t like some of them very much. They tend to live for the drama of conflict or crisis…..and if there isn’t one then they will fix that by creating one…..way too much work for me and I don’t need it or what it…..so I stepped off the merry-go-round and left the amusement park. I have been very happy since then…..no regrets. Now there has been a death…. my only sister’s husband has died…..so now she has lost her younger daughter and her husband. This is going to get messy…..she is very hard to deal with….she has lived to care for her disabled husband and child. Never worked outside of the home and is in poor health now too. Not able to get disability herself….denied twice….so has lived on land and home of her in-laws {who can’t stand her but needed her to care for their sick son} and his monthly check. So her whole world is changing…….she can get really mean when she is stressed and once again there is some presser from others who want me to step back in and help handler her. Lord, I do need wisdom on this…. my heart says help, but my mind and body scream “don’t be a fool……you still have scars on your forehead, from the repeated banging on that same old brick wall….. and by the way, is still there….. along with all the blood stains!……..fool if you step one foot in the amusement park and certifiably crazy if you step back on the merry-go-round for even just one short ride“……..so here I sit….I’m not sure what I will do….. but I do know this…..I will NOT go back to the same old same old….so I may just use this season of death to heal myself and weep and mourn. Alone with no need of embraces and keep to my self if need be to maintain that love and keep the peace as it is now. I’m way too tired for war. I shall see how I feel come Monday and then Tuesday……my body may just make up my mind for me…….. well may you find comfort and peace within what ever season you may find yourself in until our paths cross again…….. Lila
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Lila Lost in the Fibro Fog..... 